First day you are not in S'pore

First night without you in Singapore, I guess I am still able to cope with it still. I really have to keep myself occupied if not I'll really feel so alone without you. Today, time passed fast since my uni friends came to keep me company and I get to play mahjong. Although i lost 5 bucks but I enjoyed the company. Was really happy that you prepared the little surprises for me =D I'm looking forward to those special days so that I can reveal whats inside. i hope your bed is comfortable and you are having sweet dreams. Love you , and B, I hope you will enjoy yourself over at Korea. Counting down to hug you again.

13 June 2012

Our 9 years 4 months anniversary. The day you patiently taught me how to swim. The day I stupidly ate fast food after my attempt to swim. (instead of trying to lose calories, I added more. The day we laughed at our silly arguments while walking back home. The day I saw how handsome you are rinsing yourself under the shower at the swimming pool, an I laughed how much you seem to be like fimling an advertisement. The day you labeled me as di Yan gin da ren. :) I love you baby. I had a great day today.

=(

There are nights like this when you feel like crying your heart out. Times when you feel life is always unfair and cant seem to understand why things happen the way they are. Family, which I cherish and loves a lot. Why do I have to feel upset? Why do i have to feel I have no say in this family? Why makes me feel useless and why do I get the feeling that my family members looked down on me? When will they change their impression of me? I'm no longer the blur, careless, naive girl. I have grown up, at the age of 24 I still feel like a kid. Always being ordered around and dont feel respected or recognized. Being a graduate in a local university means nothing. Being awarded a dean list doesnt mean you will be complimented for your hard work. To them, I'm just a stingy sister who leech on my parents and slack at home. Why didnt it occur to them that I am already looking for a job, why cant they be more encouraging. I'm already feeling anxious and worried during this period of job sourcing but I dont get any encouraging words at all except that I'm a good-for-nothing person sitting at home doing nothing and spending my parents money. Graduation is also not a big event, no celebration, no graduation present. I thought you were very nice to top up my camera with no conditions and no obligations. This is not true, in exchange I need to face with your sarcasm. The camera don't belong to me, with the top up it doesnt belong to me entirely. Why mock at me? Why hurt me with nasty comments and laugh at things that hurts me real bad. The molest case wasnt something funny to me. I know its stupid for me to fall for the tricks but do you know its a hurtful incidents that affected me so badly? Why blame me on something that wasnt my fault? Why is it always me and me and me? Can anyone of you feels I care for this family? I love this family. I just hope for more love, more attention, more respect and more recognition. None of you know how it feels , I cant even cry out loud becoz I dont owe a room myself. I cant tell anyone coz no one will understand and it will just become another joke that you all will use to make fun of me.